I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize