Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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