Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
