Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
