i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
