Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
