I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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