I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
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