I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
True college students do jello shots in the library
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