I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
