oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
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