I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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