I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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