walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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