strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
