I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
