Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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