ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Randomize
