So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
