It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize