Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
