i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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