hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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