He disabled his match.com account in front of me
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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