just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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