can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize