I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
