if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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