Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
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