Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
