You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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