Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
