whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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