Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
sick fucks of a feather flock together
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
