Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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