we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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