fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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