I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
