I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
