Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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