im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
