I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
It's blow job season.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
