I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
