I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
