Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
