I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I FOUND THE LEGS
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
