i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize