I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
