this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
