apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
