your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I deserve this hangover.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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