So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
