SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
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