Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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