Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
