I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
