Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
