You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
