i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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