The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
