You're a womanizer and a bitch.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
