you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
