Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
