hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
