so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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