Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
