Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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