Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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