I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
