I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
sarcasm needs its own font
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
