Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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