Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
