so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
