"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
